Day 35: Learning to Relax: A Sword Lesson's Update

"That is awesome!" is the usual response I hear when someone hears that I am learning the sword, and I have to agree it is. An antiquated weapon though it may be, it seems to me that people still respect it, and think it is an honorable weapon. There too I have to agree. I would encourage anyone that wishes to learn to take it up. $45 a month for your own personal professional sword trainer for two hours a week is a deal, no matter how you slice it.

Today was the fifth Sword Lesson class I have attended. I will not say that it has gotten easier, but I can tell that my body is getting use to it. Today I was not nearly as tired as the first few lessons (though I have a feeling if Sensei Urso reads that, then next week will be much harder. Advanced apologies to my fellow students Jeff and Matt, pictured down below). The Korean and Japanese vocabulary are becoming more familiar, as are the sword forms and sequences. It is still taxing, and I am glad for the additional exercise.

Oddly, my main challenge has been to learn to relax. Relax you say? Yes. Relax. For most of my life, the physically exertive actives I have taken part in have required strength and brute force. Or at least that is the way in which I probably handled them.

But the sword is different. It is more finesse. Much like like the sport of Golf, it is not strength that defines the ultimate outcome. In Golf if you try to muscle the ball when you hit it, it often does not go where you want it to go. If however you focus on your form and completing the arc of the club head, the ball will(with much practice) amazingly go where you want it to go. The Sword is very similar.

Strength and force are not as important as skill and speed. In order to be fast, you have to relax. If you tense up, it slows you down. And I tend to tense up trying to exert force and strength rather than speed. My shoulders are the main area of problem. Holding the sword out in front of me, I end up leaning forward and carrying the burden through my shoulders, and lateral back muscles. Sensei Urso is constantly telling me to relax my shoulders. He has reassured me that everyone has this problem at first, and that it takes time to learn to relax. I'm starting to grasp it, but it is hard to think about relaxing when you are attacking or defending. I'm sure it will come with time, but until then, it is still a work in progress.

Learning the sword has been very rewarding thus far. Today Sensei Urso asked why we learn the sword. To better ourselves. And why do we better ourselves? For our own reasons? Yes, but more so to benefit society.

This falls inline with why I wanted to undertake this quest. It is not just about me. Ultimately I am trying to show that chivalry does still have a place in society. While society has changed, it does not mean that chivalry has no place in the here and now. It simply means that chivalry too must change to fit the times. A good example of this is actually my sword lessons.

Would knights have learned Kum do/Goshindo sword arts? Of course not, they would have learned the medieval western sword arts. But aren't those different? Slightly, but the core basics are the same. Different vocabulary, but ultimately the same in the end. I am aware that there are western sword lessons available, but I choose to learn from an instructor who has proven credentials and is respected in his field. Others may choose differently. As Sensei Urso has said, you change to fit the school of your training; The school does not change to fit you. And thus I need to learn to relax if I want to progress. It will take time, but all things that are good for us do.

So this is just one way that I have changed chivalry to fit my needs. And in doing so, I hope it will benefit society. God knows we could all use more civility, honor, and manners.

Pictured below are my fellow student Jeff Fauble, Sensei Thomas Urso, and fellow student Matt Bachstein.

Next time with Sensei Urso's permission, I will try to remember to get some action shots.

Until next week,

I am,

Jeffrey R. Daniel

Day 23: A Momentary Failure.

I said that I would update regularly on how I would try to apply acts of chivalry to every day situations. Tuesday was such a situation. I was at the grocery story in the self check out line awaiting a station to come open when in front of me, I saw an older woman and younger girl of about twelve years old. They were having a conversation, the contents of which I do not know, but I do know that the girl was upset about it. Granted, I do not know the details of what had happened before this or what their disagreement was, but I do know that the older woman (whom was not her mother as she referenced the girls mother during the conversation) was verbally abusive to the point of driving the girl to tears. I could not help but notice that the woman wore a shirt with a cross and hearts on it that spoke of spreading Christ love to all. The woman spoke with great anger and open hostility, at one point telling the girl to go stand over against the wall next to the exit, and wait for her to finish checking out her groceries. This led the girl to cry even more. These were not the tears of a temper tantrum or a cry for attention. These were tears of pain.

Other people in the area were watching as the girl cried and the older woman berated here in the middle of the grocery check out line. Most people pretended not to notice, but you could tell they were still paying attention to the spectacle.

And what did I do? Me, I was stuck in a internal conflict. Now-a-days, people don't want to get involved in situations like this. They think it is none of their business, and that is partly true. But the other part of me thought that I should have done something. One of the rules of chivalry talks of Defending the weak and the innocent. This young girl fell into that category, especially in comparison to the open hostility being unleashed on her.

But what did I end up doing? Nothing. I kept to myself, and let the verbal abuse continue.

I later thought about what I could have done in the situation. My wife, Laura, suggested that maybe I could have shown the girl a simple kindness. Maybe a smile or a hello to distract her from the situation, and maybe I can keep this in mind for future situations. It did not feel right to do nothing as I did, but maybe it was meant as a learning experience.

Day 22: Living the Quest

Over time, I will go through all of the rules of chivalry (as listed in my first blog entry) and explain what I think they mean and how they can be used in todays society.

Last week, I outlined my definition of chivalry for this day and age; however defining an idea is very different than living it. It is a conscious decision to act chivalrously. Like all things in life, with enough practice it becomes second nature, but it takes a lot of devotion and learning to get to that point.

As some of the rules of chivalry relate to battle, I can only hold them in reserve for a time when they would be needed. So in this article I am mainly addressing the rules that relate to ones self, interactions with others, and manners in general. In particular today, I will be discussing the following two rules:

• Avoid lying to your fellow man.

When I first read the rules of chivalry, I was very intrigued by the word choice on some of them. Some of them say "Never do action X" or "Live in fashion Y" but the ones that were the most interesting to me were the ones that said "Avoid action X". This implies that they realized that there were times when the action was necessary, and that it could not be a hard and fast rule to live by. So it would be better to avoid the action, rather than banning it entirely.

For one to go through life and never lie is an impossibility. In some form or fashion you will lie at some point. It doesn't matter how small or large the lies are, you are bound to slip up once in a while, and often with good reason. In general, we usually lie to protect someone else's feelings or expectations. How many times have you eaten something you didn't like, but when asked pointedly about it by the person who made the food, you said that you did like it? You lied to protect their feelings. Is it a bad thing that you lied about something so small? No and yes, but your intentions were to make the other person feel good about what they did. Good intentions are often at the root of such lies, but as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So how am I personally faring on this rule? I feel that I have avoided lying. That doesn't mean that I haven't lied. I can say that I have not lied to anyone or about anything that I care for and respect, and I think that is what is important to me. Can I do better at it? Yes. Will I? Only time will tell.

• Exhibit self control.

Self control is a huge topic, and a part of life that I think humans beings in general have a hard time with. All you need do is look at the problems that are present in world, and you will see that most of them are in some way related to self control. Obesity and addiction are at the forefront of the list in my mind in regards to the lack of self control. In a society that thrives on the need for instant gratification, self control is all to easily lost, and hard to regain. People often take the easiest path that will provide the least resistance to get what they want, but in the back of their minds, they know that if they took the harder, more challenging route it would ultimately be better for them in the long run.

I know this all to well, as I am just as guilty as anyone at putting things off until tomorrow. Yes, procrastination is a lack of self control. Often times, I find myself making excuses for not wanting to do my regular work outs, even though I know that if I do, I will feel better and be a more healthy person because of it. All to often, I would rather play video games and sink time into exploring someone else's worlds, rather than writing my own stories and using my God given talents. On many occasions over the last couple of weeks, I have been impatient with myself and others. I have tried to fix things that only needed time, and have been frustrated with myself because of it. These are all forms of a lack of self control on my part. But the good news is, that I'm getting better at it.

So far this year I have kept to a regular workout routine, and have even added in the two hour sword lessons on Saturday (which I never used to workout on). The net result is that I went from 200 pounds down to 178 (-22 pounds) to this point.

On the writing front, I have been working more on my stories than in the last few years, and have committed myself to updating this very blog at least once a week (a challenge I did not know would be as hard as it is, but one that is very rewarding).

My patience has gotten remarkable better, and I find myself realizing that it is okay to give things time to work themselves out naturally. The universe wasn't built in a day, and I for one am glad that God at least took his time with it. Think of what it could be like if he hadn't been patient.

So my self control is improving, but as with the ebbs and flows of life go, so to do I have good and bad days at it. I am after all human, and far from perfect.

So overall on my quest, how do I think I am doing? I'd currently give myself a B-. Am I being hard on myself? Yes, but if I didn't learn or change as a result of this journey, then it would not be worth it.

Sword Lessons Update: Since I had a few requests for an update on sword lessons, I will try to provide them regularly. The lessons are going well. I am struggling with getting all of nomenclature and footwork, but I am sure that it will get easier with more practice. Sensei Urso has been very patient, encouraging, and knowledgeable. I will try to provide pictures soon.

Day 15: Defining Chivalry

What is chivalry? Like many words in the English language, it can be defined in a multitude of ways.

The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition defines chivalry as:

The methods of training and standards of behavior for knights in the Middle Ages. The code of chivalry emphasized bravery, military skill, generosity in victory, piety, and courtesy to women.

As far as I am concerned, chivalry is represented in the ideals of sacrifice, honor, loyalty, justice, respect, and courtesy towards women and our fellow men. For chivalry to be truly dead, all of those words that define it would have to be untrue and retired.

Chivalry is about sacrifice, be it great (the giving of ones life for their country) or small (a simple gesture of holding a door so that someone else does not have to). Personal sacrifices that have no direct return, save respect and honor, to the one who made the action.

One cannot describe chivalry without properly talking about honor; for honesty, fairness and integrity are the key parts of it.

Loyalty is a trait that used to be a key part of the world, but has since fallen by the wayside. Be it professionally (staying the same company for most of one's career), in friendships, (treating friends more like family), or marriage (staying loyal to your spouse), Loyalty in all of these areas, has seen a decline in recent history. To value loyalty and to exhibit it, is a rare trait, and truly exemplifies chivalry.

Those who seek truth and justice in an honorable manner are chivalrous.

So long as there are just causes for people to believe in and fight for, there will be chivalry in the world. As Charles Kingsley said "Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth.”

As in all things in life, everything has a place and a proper manner in which to handle situations. Chivalry is about handling those situations in a respectful manner, with resolute and honorable intentions. Being chivalrous is not as black and white as it might seem though. Sometimes it calls for hard decisions that could hurt or affect others. In these situations, chivalry calls for doing the right thing with respects to all those involved.

And now to the most familiar definition. In today's culture, chivalry seems to be attached more to a male's courteous treatment of females. The lack or decline thereof, leading to the said "death of chivalry." Plenty of people take offense at chivalry, and site that women are capable of doing things for themselves, and do not need men to act in such a way. In this day and age, women have the rights and capabilities to take care of themselves in every fashion. That does not, however, mean that there is no reason that chivalry cannot exists.

To me, chivalry is not about superiority, sexism, or condescension. It is about politeness, respectfulness, and manners. It is about honor for oneself and showing others common courtesy. The essence of chivalry is the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Chivalry is not done in return for any form of favor, nor is it something that should be expected. It can be, however, appreciated and admired in another person.

A portion of the population would say that such chivalry is a weakness. They think that by lowering ones self in service or kindness to a female gives the latter more power. To the contrary I think that efforts and showing of respect, does not mean that the male is a push over. One can be chivalrous and still maintain their own strength, backbone, and masculinity.

But as I've stated above, chivalry is something more than manners. While it is what most people associate with chivalry, it is not limited to just the courtly treatment of the opposite sex.

Sacrifice, honor, loyalty, justice, respect, and courtesy towards women, i

t is all of these things together that make up chivalry.

It is true that it may be harder to tell acts of chivalry in this day and age, but that does not mean they do not exist.

No, chivalry is not dead. It might be an endangered species, but it is far from extinct.