Day 159: My Fellow Knights and Scoundrels

Most guys want to be Han Solo. And why not? The wise cracking space smuggler, lives the life of a bachelor, seeking fortunes and riches, but ends up pursuing a woman (who happens to be a princess) after his conscious gets the better of him. And at the end, he got the girl and helped to save the day. But look at what he had to go through to get there.

And Luke Skywalker? Yeah, some of us wanted to be him too. To be the outcast kid (Read the book, Luke was picked on and bullied) who later finds out he can learn to be a Jedi Knight? The last Jedi, who, it just so happens has to learn to use a lightsaber (which in case you didn't know is basically a laser sword. And if you didn't know that, I don't know where you've been the last 32 years, but welcome to Earth.)

"This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times... before the Empire."

Forgive the Star Wars citations, but being born in 1977, the year A New Hope was released, and growing up with it, it is a part of me, and I'll wager a large part of every guy my age or younger (and some even older). Of course it had some influence. But what does that have to do with chivalry?

Some of us are just scoundrels, like Han, waiting on something to awaken the core parts of us. The scoundrels wander. They seek things they can't seem to find. They befriend big hairy Wookies. They drink excessively. They womanize. They shoot Greedo in the Mos Eisley Cantina. You know. The things that scoundrels do.

Some of us try to be knights. They try to live life by an order or a code. They try not to lie. They try to protect the weak and right the wrongs. They have a sense of duty and what seems right. They learn to use swords, or more modern weapons (guns) for that reason.

You probably think I'm a knight and always have been. That is true of my teenage years, but between then and now, I was more of a Han Solo. A scoundrel who knew right from wrong, but did not follow it. A person who finally realized the importance and need for knightly actions and finally followed through on it.

I know both knights and scoundrels. Some have crossed sides and gone from scoundreldom (Yeah it's a word, I just made it up.) to knighthood. A few seem to go the opposite direction. Most just stay where they are. But that's ok. The world needs Knights and Scoundrels. For neither one of these are truly bad, for neither is evil. A scoundrel might just need a cause to follow.

And what about you? Where you end up in that spectrum? That is for each person to discover on their own. For me, I'd like to be somewhere in the middle.

I'm not trying to be mentor, because I don't think chivalry is something that can be taught except by example. So I ask that if you are following me on this journey, (be you knight, damsel, scoundrel or wench) let me know your thoughts and examples of chivalry that you see in every day life. These don't just have to be the actions of males, for as I've said before, I think women can be chivalrous too.

Until next time,

I am,

Jeffrey R. Daniel

Day 148: The "I's" in California

This past week I traveled out to San Diego California for work. It was a good trip and myself and Bobby Keating (a co-op student from Clemson) had a good time and accomplished all of the goals set before us. But this post isn't about the work we did while we were there. It's about the differences in cultures that become apparent when you visit different places.'

Chances are where you live you have certain tendencies, etiquette and manners that you were taught. Differences come on the extent of these manners and practices of etiquette, and it was somewhat amazing to see how different Californians act in respects to the Southern traditions I was raised in/with. I've been to California before but it was always with larger groups in confined resorts that did not really allow for interactions with Californians outside of the workplace environment.

But this trip allowed for those interactions. In general Californians were very much like everyone else I've met, but one thing stood out that was different. They seem to be focused on themselves more than the average person. I say this in respect to how they treat others they don't know. A key example was one day at lunch when we were leaving a restaurant. I held the door open for an older couple, and two younger ladies to enter. They all seemed genuinely surprised and grateful for something that was second nature to me and my upbringing.

A co-worker who is also originally from the south and is working temporarily in San Diego said he has had much the same reactions when doing similar acts. He related a story of his wife's frustration at the apparent indifference to her need for assistance one day when she had their four kids (all of whom are young) and was out shopping. She was having trouble making it through some doors, and people continually walked by without asking if she needed help or even trying to assist her.

Another situation from the trip was when we were driving down near one of the beach areas after work one day. We came to a pedestrian cross walk where (I am not making this up or kidding when I say this) an elderly lady with a walker was being assisted by another elderly couple. I had seen 3 cars go in front of them, not even pausing to look at them. I on the other hand stopped and motioned them across the road. They all smiled and waved, and proceeded across the street. Mean while the driver in car behind me got irritated and even honked his horn. I smiled into my rear view mirror and waved at him politely.

I write all of this to point out that different cultures and regions more or less encourage some of the ideals of chivalry. Are Californians bad people? No, definitely not (except the guy behind me that honked his horn) but they are farther away from the ideas that are essential to chivalry. It is the same all around the world, and I guess it is a decline in the spreading of these ideals and courtesies that appear to have chivalry on the ropes and close to going down for the count.

I think too, that it has a lot to do with being aware of your surroundings and not focusing or internalizing so much on ones self. In order to see that you could be more courteous to others you have to be able to identify that they might need assistance or that you could be able to help them in some small way.

In other news, my life continues. I have been traveling a lot. Some for vacation, most of it for work, and my blog here suffers for it, but I look to be getting things back on track.

Likewise with the travel I have been unable to attend sword classes. However, I am working with Sensei Urso to determine alternatives to the Saturday classes, as my Saturdays are quickly filling up with family and other obligations. I hope to have a set schedule to resume my training.

Thanks for following me on this quest. It has already been rewarding, and though it has taken many different turns than I thought it would, I think all of the changes are for the better. I hope that any endeavors that you pursue will be likewise fruitful and change you for the better.

Until next time,

I am,

Jeffrey R. Daniel

Day 126: "The Truth" of It

It seems like lately I keep hearing people talk about "the truth", as if there is one all encompassing truth in life. That if you find that truth everything else will fall into place.

I'm not sure where this myth came from but there is no one true answer to life's questions, because life is too broad to be summed up in only one answer. I guess the only truth is that there are multiple truths; sometimes even to the same story, question, or situation.

I say all of this to tell you the truth, because as the saying goes, the truth shall set you free. So here are some truths which I feel the need to share with you:

• I have had a period of change over the last three months and it has caused great turmoil in my life.
• I have not had time, energy, or the will to write blog posts about my quest here as a result.
• While I have improved myself over the last 4 months of my quest of chivalry, I feel that I have not been fully living up to the high standards I set for myself. Does that mean that I am wrong? That I admit that chivalry is dead? NO. Quite the opposite. The areas that I have improved have made me more true to myself and have made me be more truthful to those around me. The results of which lead me to make a life changing decision about the relationship that I was in.
• The decision has cause emotional pain to my spouse, family, and me, but it was the right decision and it had to be made. I was not being truthful to myself or to others by living in doubt, denial, and fear.
• Everyone in life makes mistakes, and sometimes it hurts to admit the mistakes and move to correct them.
• The truth is that Laura and I are separated and will eventually be filing for divorce.
• Laura and I will remain friends and she will keep in touch with my family, because she is still one of them, regardless of the connection.

I hope that my friends and family will forgive me for not being more forthcoming with the news sooner, but dealing with this the last few months was a personal matter, and Laura and I wanted to handle it as such. I am only writing about this here and now because it is a matter of honor and duty that I takes responsibility for my actions and be held accountable before those that I respect and love.

I invite any of those who wish to speak or write to me about this to do so in a private message, a visit in person, a phone call or an e-mail.

Sincerely,

Jeffrey

Day 91: Two steps forward, three steps back.

Two steps forward, three steps back.

It might be sword lesson step. It could be a dance step. But unfortunately it's been my life the last few weeks.

The changes and progress that I had made so far on my journey were great. Were because I've recently had a slight regression. I had made so much progress in such a quick amount of time that it was only a matter of time before I came back down to the realities of life. I'm getting back on track now, and I think things will start moving in the positive direction again, albeit a bit slower.

As humans we have the ability to ignore certain things in our lives at times. We can ignore doubts, denials, and unhappiness and convince ourselves otherwise. We can ignore or put off working on things that need our attention, and do what we want to for a period of time. But eventually the things we ignore will come back around to grab our attention, sometimes with dire consequences.

That seems to be what has happened with me over the last few weeks. Things I had pushed to the back burner, I had left there too long. I paid attention to the stuff that was important to me, and that made me a happy and a better person. But the stuff on the back burner started to burn, and so I had to attend to it. The results of which have cause me a good deal of stress. This is nothing that I cannot handle given time (and/or money of course) but these things have also taken a toll on me.

I have gained 7 pounds, and for a while I could not get my eating and work out habits under control. Things at work have been more stressful as I work to get caught back up, and back on track. I was traveling a lot too which added to the stress, bad eating, and work out habits.

I have only this week started to get back into the swing of things. Life is starting to get back to a normal rhythm. And hopefully my journey and updates will too.

So I'm sorry that I haven't posted lately, but now you know why. I will try to do better, though I already have to warn you I won't be posting next weekend as I am going out of town, and then traveling for work.

In the mean time, I would like to ask to hear your thoughts, concerns and feelings on why people think chivalry is dead, and what you think I (or you yourself) could do to help bring it back. Write a comment or send me an e-mail.

Until next time,

I am,

Jeffrey R. Daniel

Day 71: Blademaster Already?

As I said in my previous blog post, I was not able to post last weekend as I attended JordanCon in Atlanta. It was a great weekend of fun with wonderful people, and is something I look forward to attending every year.

For the second year in a row I attended the sword forms class, where they demonstrate the movements associated with the sword form names that Robert Jordan uses during his sword fights. Unlike last year however, they also had a Blademaster tournament on Sunday afternoon.

In the world of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time, Blademasters are formally recognized as such when one of two things occurs: either they defeat a known blademaster in single combat with appropriate witnesses, or they are judged by a sufficient number of blademasters (5), via unanimous vote, to have demonstrated sufficient skill.

Using bamboo practice swords, this tournament would pit any person willing to take part against each other first. The first person to win two rounds by striking the other person (not in the head or on the hands, mind you!) won the round. In the cases where each person struck the other at the same time, each person gets a point. If it happens again on the second round then they continue on until one person landed a hit.

The people who made it through all of the rounds of combat undefeated would then get to challenge one of the three Blademasters. The first two people to defeat any of the Blademasters would then become a Blademaster, and receive their very own heron marked sword (the mark of a Blademaster) in foam version, of course.

I was late in arriving and missed out on the first round of fighting, so I just watched and learned what was going on. At the end of those rounds two people had the opprotunity to face a Blademaster. The first to win their challenge against Blademaster, Bao Pham was Brannon Cristholm. Sophie Decaudin then attempted to defeat Jimmy Liang, but was unsuccessful. Since they still had another Blademaster Sword to give away, they decided to have another round.

This is when I took part in the tournament. My sword training helped tremendously, and I was very focused as I defeated five opponents before being given the opportunity to choose which Blademaster I would fight. Being that I had seen Bao, Brannon, and Jimmy all fight previously, I decided to pick the only remaining Blademaster, Ben Gunderson. I did this because I wanted it to be the most challenging, and in some way felt that if I could defeat him then I would have earned my Blademaster title in truth. As soon as I picked Ben, I was told that I had just picked the only guy who hadn't been hit all day.

In the first round I got lucky and landed a strike on Ben's leg. In the second round we both hit each other's legs at the same time. So I won the bout 2 to 1.

It was a good battle, and I am glad I won, however after it was over and I watched a video of it I saw all of the things that I had done wrong. I was leaning forwards too much. My back should have been straight. My footwork is sloppy. But I won.

As Sensei Urso said yesterday during sword lessons, on any given day a novice can beat a master with a lucky strike at the right time. It was probably luck, but it still counts the same.

In the terms of JordanCon and the Wheel of Time, I am a Blademaster. In the reality of my learnings of the sword however, I am still very much a beginner, and I still have so much more to learn.

Click the image below to see a picture of all 5 Blademasters at the end of the tournament.

From Left to Right: James Liang, Jeffrey Daniel, Brannon Cristholm, Ben Gundersen, Bao Pham

Day 57: On the Road Again...

Chivalry Rule 33: Be polite and attentive.

This week I was in Vancouver, WA (right across the river from Portland, OR) to teach at a product training class. It's odd how you can learn so much yourself and about yourself from teaching others. While I know the subject matter on which I taught, the questions that were asked from the students pushed me to find new answers, and reinforced what I did know.

I have to admit though that I came to the training thinking that it would not be enjoyable, and I dreaded it. Once I got there and things started, my co-worker Jill and I settle into things and I started to enjoy it. I got more comfortable talking to the students most of whom were all older than both Jill and I. It is odd to teach in such circumstances, but I tried to make sure that the students were comfortable with me and what I was teaching.

I did not realize it at the time, but I guess I went out of my way to be polite. Jill and I made sure that we answered all answers and paid attention to the students questions and suggestions. We received positive feedback from some students about our politeness and attention to detail.

These are small and simple things, that don't tie directly into chivalry, or not in most people's minds. Politeness and attentiveness go a long way with making a good first impression with people, and with earning and maintaining people's trust and respect. In a world where everyone is only concerned with themselves and their wants and needs, it is with a fading thought that most people think to be polite and truly pay attention to others. I feel like I have always been polite, but I sometimes have a hard time being attentive. I'll have to continue to work on it.

Chivalry Rule 34: Be respectful of host, women, and honor.

HOST

Part of my discomfort with this trip was the level of support I thought we would get in teaching this class. I have to admit that the sales person that we would be working with had a reputation that preceded him. I wasn't sure how well he knew the products or how good he was at his job. Imagine to my surprise when I met him for myself and found that he was in fact quite knowledgeable and good at what he does. I'd let other people's opinions and statements allow me to make an opinion and judgment about him. I now feel ashamed to have allowed such a thing to happen, and I have since reserved judgement about others that I do not know or interact with. I challenge you to do the same.

I say all of this to talk to the fact that I did not respect the host of the class. I wasn't being very chivalrous or honorable at all. After I met the salesman, and got to know him, I gained respect for him. I should have been respectful from the start, but at least I was able to change my mind about it. I can now count him as a friend, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to meet him myself. Everyone hosting the training class were top notch and great to work with.

WOMEN

As I've said in previous posts, I've always gone out of my way to be respectful to women. Particularly in my working profession, I am in a field of work that is mostly male dominated, so females are rarely encountered. I've made it a point to not treat them any differently than the men. Most of the time, the females ask more questions about things than their male counter parts. Most of the time I think that females are talked down and not respected for their talents or abilities particularly in areas dominated by men. Condescension serves no one, and only shows insecurity and fear in the person doing it.

HONOR

Honor is a prickly subject. Most people don't even think about it. With all the things we think we have to pay attention to, the respect, integrity in beliefs, and merits of another person, be it big or small, is far beneath our notice. The world would be a better place if we did so. I feel I've tried to be conscious of this through my life. To understand that everyone in this world is good at something, and to recognize that and respect them for it is another exercise that requires attention to be taken away from one's self and placed on to others. Look for the good in others, and honor them for it. Isn't that what we all want from others? To see the good in ourselves. Remember that and honor other people. You'll gain much honor and respect for it.

I will not be able to make a post next weekend as I will be in Atlanta, Georgia at JordanCon 2010, a convention devoted to the life and works of the great James (Jim) Oliver Rigney, Jr., AKA Robert Jordan, author of The Wheel of Time series. It will be a great time to see friends I made last year, and to make some new ones who share my love of such a great series of books.

I will try to post in the days before or after JordanCon, but for now I can't promise that I will have time.

Until then,

I am,

Jeffrey R. Daniel

Day 49: Responsible Actions

I humbly apologize for not posting last week as I took the weekend off for Easter and handling personal matters.

When I started this, I thought it would be a good challenge, and I was excited to see where it led me. I still am excited with my journey, but it is becoming apparent that living chivalrously is not easy.Perhaps that is another reason people think it is dead. It means being responsible for the consequences of all of your actions, both big and small. In society today, we often hear about accountability of corporations and individuals. Most of the time this accountability amounts to the smack on the wrist as punishment and being told not to do it again.

Chivalry calls for a little more from you. You must be held accountable for your actions and understand their ramifications before you act, and when necessary try to make amends if your actions involve or hurt others. I know this all to well, but as the saying goes, the truth shall set you free.

Back on Day 15, I wrote about defining chivalry and what it meant to me. I wrote:
"As in all things in life, everything has a place and a proper manner in which to handle situations. Chivalry is about handling those situations in a respectful manner, with resolute and honorable intentions. Being chivalrous is not as black and white as it might seem though. Sometimes it calls for hard decisions that could hurt or affect others. In these situations, chivalry calls for doing the right thing with respects to all those involved."

I've had to take my own advice in that respect over the past two weeks time. It has not been an easy road, but one that has to be taken. I hope that it is the right decision for all involved, but I know that as with all things, time will tell for sure. It's never easy to hurt someone you care about, but sometimes you have to in order to tell the truth and be fair and honest with them. So I've taken responsibility for my actions and now comes the hard part of following through on my word and making it right.

I will get back on track (both in life and with the blog), and will try to write an extra post to make up for last week's missed one.

Until then,

I am,

Jeffrey R. Daniel